Big Leap Gay Hendricks

Started: 07-Sept-2021

Finished: 10-Sep-2021

Title: The Big Leap

Author: Gay Hendricks

Contents

Chapter 1: Preparing for Your Big Leap – One Problem and how to solve it

1. Can we have all the success, happiness, love in all sphere of life?
2. Can we be happy and satisfied all through the life?

These questions are the starting point for this book and a Yes answer is fundamental for the big leap and reaching our zone of Genius than just a zone of satisfaction or zone of excellence.

Many a times, some of our own inherent beliefs, misplaced values are the biggest hindrances. Some of these beliefs are formed as part of our childhood and hence become ingrained. So becoming aware of them and getting rid is first fundamental thing to do to achieve our true potential and achieve supreme happiness, success, love that we want to achieve.

During any of these journeys of personal transformation, Our inner constraining voices will hold us back. Our egos and fear won’t let us proceed to next level. They will hold us back multiple times, so we need to put extra effort to be aware and get rid of these. Many a times, these constraining voices will be ingrained in us as good values, duties, responsibilities like we can’t show off too much, we owe this etc; but ultimately if these are holding us back in our life, we should get rid of these.

When we feel good, a limiting voice, fear may come. And this may masquerade as a value, belief. Clashing of these cause us irritation and eventually 1 of these has to win.

Internal Reflections: As I was going through the organization transformation leadership role (SW EEE) in Intel that time, I feel that feeling many a times. It comes as urge to resign or contribute less than what I can do with different excuses (not stepping on other toes, dependencies on others etc.).

Key Quotes: “Fear is Excitement without Breath. Through lack of breathing, we try to deny the existence of excitement or new experience.”

Solving One problem: Freeing Yourself

Before we solve our upper limit problems; we need to come out of usual state of consciousness. We need to dissolve current state of consciousness by putting laserlike beam of awareness on its underpinnings – false beliefs, values, foundations that hold the upper limit problems in its place. When we put the light on these underpinnings, they will disappear. And then only we shall be free to explore into new territories, and zones of ultimate success and genius.

Our activities in the world can be divided in 4 categories

• Zone of incompetence:

These are activities where we have no competence or talent and we don’t want to enjoy or master them, but do it for sake of doing, saving money. These are activities we must avoid at all cost.

E.g. –

1. Personal: me trying to fix some of mechanical things at home where I have no clue.

2. Office – Trying to solve a technical challenge, architecture, coding, setting up Jira etc where I don’t have much expertise or be involved in meetings where I don’t have any control or contributions.

• Zone of Competence:

These are activities where we are good at but others can do it equally well. These are activities where we may be spending a large amount of time and now may be boring or not be our dream. We need to find to reduce time spent on this kind of activities by delegating and training/coaching others. If these are core part of our job, we need to set some key KPIs, Metrics, Success Goals and only track those.

E.g.

• • Office: Time spent in planning, execution of projects, following up on execution issues. Time spent on
  • Personal: Time spent on buying groceries. Time spent on teaching kids.
• Zone of Excellence:

These are activities that you do extremely well and make a good living in zone of excellence. This is where most of our colleagues, boss, spouse, children, friends will expect us to remain. They will get maximum out of us in this zone and this feeds our “Esteem” need (refer Maslow’s hierarchical need model). Problem is if we stay in this zone; these become zone of competence and these will avoid us reach our full potential, achieve all the successs, love, happiness and contributions and going in zone of genius.

E.g. – Office: Leading SW Development in DevOps, Automation Tools areas. Understanding larger methodology and processes. Taking up initiatives in these areas. Being SW Director/Manage role.

Personal: Providing for money, comfort to my family. Always be there for them whenever they call.

• Zone of Genius:

These are activities which you are uniquely suited to do. We possess special gifts, talents & strengths. This is towards ultimate calling of lif or purpose of our life or “Self Actualization” need in Maslow’s need model. Also called as “Call to Genius”.

Chapter 2 Making the Leap – Dismantling the foundation of the problem

Author tells there are 4 fundamental fears and belief that could be holding us back reaching our zone of excellence.

4 Hidden Barriers:

1. False Belief of being fundamentally flawed:

Some time we may be carrying the feeling and belief that we have some fundamental flaw because of which we can’t reach our potential, or achieve ultimate success, financial wealth or love. These could be due to childhood related experiences.

1. Disloyalty and Abondonment:

It is feeling that if I reach my potential, or achieve lot of success, wealth; it would cause me to end up alone, be disloyal to my roots and leave behind people from my past.

This is especially true for people coming from poor financial backgrounds! Key questions that will cause this fear/belief

• • Did I break the family spoken or unspoken rules or traditions to get where I am?
  • Even though I am successful, did I fail to meet the expectations my parents had of me?

1. Believing that success brings a bigger burden

It may translate as whether I deserve the success or promotion because then I shall be even bigger burden on my family, my company or my colleagues, boss. I doubt my new promotion will ask me to do more work, so will have less time for my family. OR my company will pay me more; so it will be bigger burden on myself to prove. OR my boss, colleagues will expect more from me.

1. The crime of outshining:

This may be coming for gifted and exceptional talented children & people. They don’t want to outshine others to not attract jealousy or causing others to feel belittled. So they either limit themselves or don’t enjoy their success and cause themselves in sorrow or suffering to attract sympathy than jealousy.

We fear that our success will steal the attention from someone whom we believe need it more than us.

Chapter 3 How to spot upper limit problem in daily life

1. Worry

Worrying unnecessarily means we are blocking some positive thoughts and energy. When we worry, we should ask 2 questions

• • Is it about something real and which has lot of chances to happen?
  • Is it in my control to do something about?

If answer to above questions is No; then it means we are just upper limiting ourselves. When we are worrying unnecessarily; we should ask what positive thought & energy we are trying to prevent from happening and spend all our mind to finding that. Feel where that positive energy is coming from, which body part – It may be energy and thought to get engaged in physical activity, feel love, loosen up for some new experience, use my creative energy to contribute more.

1. Criticizing and Blaming

Criticizing and blaming is again a sign of avoid flow of positive energy. Most often criticizing and blaming is not about anything specific but is a way to deflect the positive energy or lack of own strength to handle some tough situation and take decisions o action.

Criticizing and blaming others is like hypnotic trances where we do everything that hypnosis trance asks us to do. It is very addictive habit, and they are number 1 reason & destroyer of intimacy in a relationship

Self-criticizing is also same and part of upper-limiting behavior. When we self-criticize ourselves, we are saying to ourselves we are not good enough. Or we use self-criticism to justify our actions to upper limit and why we can not do something or why we behave in some way.

Criticism is only helpful when it is meant for something very specific and meant to produce some useful result.

Chronic criticism and chronic blaming are 2 behaviors we must eliminate completely.

1. Deflecting

Deflecting is when we don’t accept the positive energy or thoughts. It is a sign that we want to remain in our zone of competence or excellence. it is like saying I am not good enough to have achieved or done this well and I must not take this complement as it is going to be expectations always on me. E.g. when we don’t take complements for having positively surprised others or thanks and gratitude by others.

It actually stops not only flow of energy for oneself but also other person who may be more conscious and think more next time before giving the complements to you. Also not accepting thanks and gratitude is also a sign that we ourselves are not doing or giving enough complements, thanks, feeling gratitude so feel we should not accept it also.

1. Squabbling

Squabbling is when we do arguments, and petty fights which translate into major conflicts. Squabbling results in victimhood for either party and from that position, it is just not possible to resolve.

How to avoid squabbling is for both parties to take 100% responsibility and not less than 100%. Also not taking victimhood mentality at all.

1. Getting sick and Getting hurt

This a classic and most obvious sign of upper limit problem. Whenever someone is approaching a good milestone, success story; some folks fall sick or get themselves hurt, be involved in some accident. These are usually the signs that person is preventing and protecting himself/herself to do extra things or something person does not want to do or feel. It could be showing that we have some internal conflicts and our illness is way to protect us from showing up our internal conflict to others.

Other sign could be that illness is a sign of punishment to oneself for something that one is not proud of or is ashamed of.

Different kind of pains, sicknesses do give indications about different kind of emotional and psychological issues.

E.g. I used to have a headache usually only on Thursdays when I felt stressed out. It usually comes due to either getting less sleep on previous nights, having some tough meetings on Thursdays, and thinking too much about some issue.

I also feel this pain and urge to cancel the meetings and call sick when I am not motivated to continue on the job or avoiding taking a stand in meeting which conflicts with my internal desire, preference.

1. Integrity breach

Committing a breach of integrity is one of quickest way to bring yourself down.

Integrity breach is not only breaking promised, lying to others but more importantly doing all these to ourselves, hiding significant feelings or not keeping agreements or not speaking significant truths.

Integrity breach is not only a moral issue but think of it as physical issue which make it more understandable and actionable. E.g. Something we didn’t communicate, we didn’t do.

Overall think that most issues & conflicts are not about what they might appear; there might be deeper problems and root causes behind. To get to root of these conflicts; think back where it all started from?

Discover your own story

• • Where do I feel out of integrity with myself?
  • What is keeping me to feel complete and whole?
  • What important feelings I am not letting into my awareness?
  • Where in my life I am not telling the complete truth?
  • Where in my life I have not kept my promises?

During this exercise, also reflect back on what is my family story – is there any key fear, belief which could be playing on my mind and will keep tethering me back?

During the reflection, finding own faults, fears, beliefs – keep an attitude of wonder, playful and cheerfulness. This way it is much easier to get rid of own flaws and faults.

Daily Exercise:

Notice and note down daily instances of following upper limit syndromes:

• • Worrying
  • Criticizing and Blaming
  • Complaining
  • Getting sick or hurt
  • Squabbling
  • Complaining in front of others than directly communicating with person who you have an issue with.
  • Not keeping agreements or promises
  • Hiding significant feelings
  • Deflecting (brushing off complements is an example)

When these behaviors are observed; try to also see what bigger, zone of genius things we are trying to avoid; and avoiding expanding our capacity for abundance, love and success.

Consciously let yourself make more room for awareness for abundance, love and success. Use the resources of your whole being, not just your mind. E.g. feel more love in your chest and heart area. Savor the body feeling as well as mental satisfaction of success and abundance.

Embrace a new story that tells us about our zone of genius. Find a new mythology or make up one of your own that shows you enjoying the life in full radiance of your expressed potential.

Chapter 4: Building a new Home in Your Zone of Genius

How to make Every Moment an expression of your genius

We need to know answer to 2 main questions

• What is my genius?
• How can I bring forth my genius in ways that serve others and myself as the same time?

First commitment:

I commit to live in my zone of Genius, Now and Forever

Key Genius Questions to wonder about:

1. What do I most love to do? (I love it so much that I can do it for long stretches of time without getting tired or bored)

Distinguish between zone of excellence and zone of Genius. Zone of Genius is connected to what I most love to do.

My insights: I love to play sports. I also like to read for different subjects, like understanding different and new age businesses, business models, understanding new technologies, reading books and articles on self-help, leadership, management, psychology, mental biases, spiritualism to understand human behaviour why we do what we do or how we behave.

In my working life, I love to explore new ideas, projects or do things differently and improve the way we work. I like to talk to people in some intellectual stimulating conversations, about new ideas, insights or projects and in process learn and add value to those ideas and conversations. I like to understand and learn new things all the time.

1. What work I do that does not seem like work (I can do it all day long without ever feeling tired or bored)?

Talking to team and people for new ideas, projects.

Either coming up with new ideas or understanding about those new ideas, projects; and improving on that idea.

Subject usually does not matter as long as idea, project is intellectually stimulating and where I can feel part of and add some value.

1. In my work, what produces the highest ratio of abundance and satisfaction to amount of time spent? (even if I do only ten seconds or a few minutes of it, an idea or a deeper connection may spring forth that leads to huge value).

Time that I spend on thinking and writing something technical, managerial like writing some article, presentation, training, abstract of an idea – which adds value, something which is unique and something which is my own thoughts, structured in a way which can be presented to others. (these are not email responses as those I do all the time)

1. What is my unique ability? (There is a special skill I am gifted with. This unique ability, fully realized and put to work, can provide enormous benefits to me and any organization I serve)

Articulating

I am at my best when I am …………………………………….

When I am at my best, the exact thing I am doing is ………………………………..

When I am doing that, thing I love most about it is ………………………………….

I am at my best when I am thinking and synthesizing new information I have received with what I know already and able to come with new ideas or insights from this synthesis

When I am at my best, the exact thing I am doing is synthesizing the new idea and insights from all the old and new information, knowledge

When I am doing that, thing I love most about it is intellectually very stimulating as well as provides me sense of achievement (and opportunity to get recognition)

I am good in grabbing knowledge (may not be deep knowledge) about vast number of subjects and applying them across different areas.

I am good in coming up with new ideas and absorbing new ideas to do things in different way than usual way.

My ability to empathize with people, understand feelings and emotions.

These all abilities provide me good advantage to understand technology and project landscape, intricacies, and complexities. This also can allow me to sense the organizational & people issues involved. So I can actually be pretty useful as a transformational change agent and leader to lead these changes.

Chapter 5 Living in Your Zone of Genius

Using the ultimate success mantra to thrive in Love, Abundance and Creativity

Ultimate mantra is

“I expand in abundance, Success and Love ever day, as I inspire those around me to do the same”

How to use the USM (Ultimate Success Mantra) in daily life

Keep repeating this mantra to yourself multiple times a day, taking pauses in between to let the old thoughts come and go and go back to this mantra. Incorporate in your meditation routine, daily life.

Enlightened No: Saying No to things which don’t fall in our Zone of Genius is equally important else we shall always be happy to live in our Zones of Incompetence, competence or zone of excellence.

Observe how many times you say Yes to things which don’t fall in your zone of Genius; just because you lack the courage to say enlightened No.

Renewing and Refining Commitment: It is important to reignite the commitment specially when we feel low on energy or when we are seeking external validation. Or feeling disappointment,

This is where it is important to recite and refine our commitment to our Zone of Genius and think of USM

“I expand in abundance, Success and love every day as I inspire those around me to do the same”

It is important as 1st part of mantra is exhilarating to feel that abundance, love and success. 2nd part of the mantra brings lot of serenity as it calls on us to be able to inspire others also to do the same.

Chapter 6 Living in Einstein Time

Creating Time for the Full expression of Your Genius

In this chapter, author is trying to say that we make our own time Or it is we where the time comes from i.e. if we prioritize, we have all the time for ourselves.

When we do things what we love; time just flies. Minutes turn into hours and we don’t feel any boredom or lack of energy. This is also called being in flow. On the other side, if we are doing things we don’t like; every minute becomes a burden.

You will never have time to do things that you don’t want to do. Similarly you will never have enough money to buy the stuff that you don’t really need.

It is also true that we lose maximum amount of time when we are worrying or distressed about something. We lose the energy to act and work in that moment.

Persona: Sometimes we have acquired certain persona (mask) or assumed behavior, demeanor just because of necessity or choice but then it becomes part of our personality. Our job is to be aware of these kind of persona and be able to remove them if need be. First we should identify that we are acting out of persona (we are different in different circumstances and may be behaving differently to different people).

Insights: I think this is true. I may need to give up on my uptight behavior specially at home. I need to loosen up myself.

Time persona works the same. We might have ingrained a time-cop persona or time-slacker persona. We should just realize it is just a persona.

To generate abundance of time, ask yourself following questions

“Where in my life am I not taking full ownership”

Another way to ask “What am I trying to disown”?

“What aspect of life do I need to take full ownership of?”

These questions are important as it is usually the things we resist, we don’t want to own & do which bring the maximum frustration and conflicts and cause us to lose time in worrying and undue stress.

Stress disappears once we accept the stress is due to us not owning and claim ownership for the same.

How to start:

1. Stop complaining about lack of time – simply say on your priorities than putting excuse as lack of time.
2. Feel the sensation of time pressure – either hurried or boredom. Be aware of these sensations.

Chapter 7: Solving the Relationship Problem

Transcending the upper limits of Love and Appreciation

Relationship are 1 of key areas where we hit our upper limit problem when we are successful. 1 of the study shows more than 80% successful people had unsatisfying marriages and long term relationships. 3 main types of issues

• Devitalized relationships – where partners have fallen out of love and going through motions for long period of time. It may look OK from outside but there was little or no passion between the individuals
• Passive Congenial Relationship – where there was no passion about each other in 1st place, it was more based on affectionate friendship and more like business partners. Low expectations so not much disappointments.
• Conflict habituated relationship – where heated conflicts & bickering become common place interrupted by some periods of truce.

1 of main reasons for all these relationship issues are upper limit problems as discussed earlier about either feeling fundamentally flawed, fear of abandonment from past, fear of outshining others and fear that success brings more burden.

1 main behavior which is cause of conflicts in relationship is projection. Projection is when we try to impose our own limitation to the other person in relationship.

E.g. if a man complains about his wife being too passive. If he is to own the projection, he would say “ I don’t know how to handle a relationship in which woman is being powerful and equal, so I create relationship with women in which I require them to be passive.”

Similarly, if a woman complains that her husband controls and dominates her. If she were to own the projection, she would say “I attract men who dominate and control me. I have not learnt how to be my own boss, take care of all my responsibilities and take up my full space in the world.”

Projection is the source of power struggle, and eat up energy and intimacy in relationships. They are nothing but ego wars, fight to decide who is right and biggest victim. Any healthy relationship exist between equals and where each partner takes 100% responsibility.

Quick tips:

1. Take plenty of self-time for yourself in space apart from your partner
2. Put a priority to speak of microscopic truths and emotions e.g. “I am sad”, “I feel happy”, “I feel angry”. Also communicating about dreams, passions, interests, fears, desires and other inner experiences create deep intimacy in relationships.
3. During conflicts or when emotions are in the air; don’t try to talk out the other partner of them. Eliminate phrases such as “Don’t cry” or “there is nothing to be angry about”.
4. Give lot of non-sexual touches to other partner.
5. After great intimacy, bring yourself to ground in a positive way.
6. Cultivate 3 friends with whom you can form a No-Upper-Limits conspiracy who will spot any ULP issues, behaviors such as getting sick, worrying. Also when we take a fall in our work or relationships, these friends can help to remind, take a deep breath, center ourselves and open up again to feeling more love, abundance and success.

Relationships are ultimate spiritual path because it presents constant challenge to love and embrace in the very situations in which we are prone to shun and reject. One can tell more about a person’s spirituality from the way he or she treats his or her partner than any of rituals or other physical form of religious spiritualism.

Key to spiritual development through relationship is being open to learning from every moment of interaction. By doing so, we welcome the ups and downs of relationship instead of resisting them. We approach every moment and interaction with open mind and willing heart. This attitude cuts down on friction, enhances the possibility of deep connection and keeps us from being battered when turbulence occurs.

My Conclusions:

This book is a fantastic read specially for people in their mid-life having tasted success but feel stagnated or having relationship issues. It is an awakening that some of our deep-rooted beliefs might be the ones which are holding us back in our life for both materialistic and non-materialistic abundances. Many of our fears, worrying are just an indication of our past baggage and we need to overcome those to transcend in new phase of our success.

10-Sept-2021 Dinesh Mittal